Look at her, how is she any better than me?

She has a great body, she dresses nicely. But she's not that pretty, her eyes, they're just a pair of plain eyes.

My eyes are more interesting.

There's more inside of me than she will ever have.

I guess, he compromised for the great body.

Was that all I was to him? A thing?

How lame.

What a jerk.

I want a vacation, alone.

It's not like I've been working too hard, it's just, my mind has...

I need to go touring Elizabeth Gilbert's style.

It's just, I'm tired of seeking this thing that won't come, I'm sick of waiting for things to appear, and encourage them to appear and when they don't, get upset,

I don't want that, it happens each time, and I'm sick of it.

So here's what I'm going to do.

Nothing.

It's in their hands now.

There are so many things I want to say to you, but once you're standing in front of me, I lose it.

I'm just going to write them down.

I like you. I'm not sure why, I think it might be because behind all our jokes and stuff you can be a really neat guy, you're smart and funny and I know you care about me a little. Or at least I hope so! I don't mean to stress you out or anything, I don't know myself what I want, but all I know is that something happened, and as much as I'd like to treat you like any other guy in the base, I can't because it already happened, and we act like nothing happened and we never talk about it. I'm not saying I know what will happen next, you might be confused, hell, I'm confused myself. But I need to know if we're going with the flow or if it meant nothing and we move on. I can't just do this once in a while with you it's not appropriate I see you everyday, we're in the same base, if we weren't I wouldn't take it so seriously but it bothers me a little because I wouldn't do it if I thought it was a one night thing it just isn't appropriate.

That's it.

"I can't believe you didn't show up last night! You suck!" Jackie exclaimed as she spotted Andy walking towards her.

"I said I'm sorry, I had no way-"

"It's okay, what are we doing today?" It just slipped off her mouth, she almost regretted sounding so miserable.

"Um... I don't know you wanna go drink something?"

Drink, what?

"I don't know, but if you wanna see me today you better call, I'm tired of chasing you around."

Dammit, twice in a row.

"And nobody's gonna join us..."

"Better, more booze for us!"

Sure, dude.

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guys, they suuuuuuck. Why can't they pick up the phone, why do they always have to be all 'oh-look-I-showed-out-of-nowhere'?

"Come on!" Andy called from downstairs.

"Coming, coming, hold on!" Jackie yelled back as she struggled to place her backpack on her back.

"Okay, here we go" she said, dragging her bicycle along with her, smiling at him.

"Hop on" he directed as he started paddling.

"Dude, I'm bad at it, I hope you have first aid with you I-"

"What a beautiful day!" Andy suddenly exclaimed.

"Where are you taking me?!"

Andy turned around and smiled at her.

"Oh you'll see".

Eight AM, a tuesday morning.

Everything seems to be falling right into place lately, I finally passed my driving test yesterday, hurray! ;)

Also, I stopped smoking, I made my mind, it's better to be addicted to weird things like chewing gum or coffee than cigarettes. So I'm back to my old addiction - coffee.

And about my guy, well, you know what? It's up to him now. I mean sure I like him, I'd be his girlfriend, or even just his friend. But he says he only wants to have fun. So, whatever, I shouldn't feel too bad it's his loss not mine.

So it's a beautiful tuesday morning, going to meet some friends and make the most of my day, enjoy yours!

I lied today.

I shouldn't have dug into the past.

The past is the past.

It doesn't haunt me anymore.

Slightly.

Almost never.

Your name,

meaningless.

I can go through a cold night, I can go throw a warm evening.

The rest of the day is OK, as long as the sun is hanging up in the sky. It's those hours in the night, the dark ones that make it more profound, they dig deeper in my soul.

I've learned to both hate it and love it.

People who've made changes in my life look different at this time.

All I ever wanted was to do what I like and like it, or, just be with someone for a change.

But this time came again, when I'm no longer seeking for another soul.

I'm in search of my own once again. I'll take it from here, remove the pause,

Play.

It's like, these days bring me back to that time when I was graduating from high-school, full of inspiration and free time. I love it. I've got so much to write, but it seems like I'm losing it everytime I sit down to do so. It comes and goes. I think I might be going back on that road I kind of left the past year.

It's like everytime summer begins, it reminds me of the previous one, so sunny and melodic.

I was 16, I was stupid, I was a baby who didn't want to go out of its cradle.

He wrote me a freakin' poem.

He wrote me long e-mails saying how talented, wonderful and beautiful I am.

I threw it all away and compromised for much less.

But I didn't love him. As much as I wanted to.

I loved someone else, who never wrote me a poem, never treated me like a queen, like he did.

I just wish I could find someone who would treat me like this, and I would love with all my heart, like I loved that person.

Why does every amazing thing has to bring with it a load of shit?